introduce

An important day is approaching: in just a few weeks, you will become a father! Although you will not be giving birth, you will still welcome the birth of a child and gain a new identity—you will become a father.

This may be just as emotionally taxing for you as it is for your partner. Please refer to our advice to help you better support the expectant mother and navigate these life-changing moments with as much peace of mind as possible.

Preparation before childbirth

• As your pregnancy nears its end, remember to plan your work schedule so you can be there for her immediately if she calls.
  
  
• Plan ahead on how to get to the maternity hospital . If it's nearby, you can walk: walking often helps facilitate labor. Otherwise, driving is the most convenient option, but please check parking availability in advance. If you don't have a car, you can take a taxi.
  
  
• When that day arrives, stay with her at home during the early stages of labor and trust her to decide when to go to the hospital together. It is generally recommended to wait until contractions are occurring every 10 minutes before heading out.
  
  
• When going to the hospital, remember to bring your partner's luggage , as well as the luggage for your unborn baby.

Present...or absent

• Nowadays, most fathers are present when their child is born . However, this doesn't mean you have to be there: if you feel overwhelmed, talk to your partner, be honest about your fears, and then make the best decision together.
  
  Sometimes, mothers don't want their fathers present, worrying that it will make him uncomfortable or feeling that they can concentrate better without him. If your partner falls into this category, respect her request while expressing your own: if you genuinely want to be present, she might feel touched or reassured, and might even eventually allow you to accompany her.
  
  
• During a C-section, some hospitals may require the father to leave the delivery room . But please stay nearby: once the baby is born, you can provide warmth and security, helping him adjust to his first contact with the outside world. You can even take off your shirt so he can feel the warmth of your skin—this is irreplaceable.

Things you need to know before the big day

• Labor time is highly variable and can last from 2 hours to over 24 hours . Regardless of the plan, actual delivery may not occur within the expected timeframe. Please remain flexible and understanding if things don't go as planned.
  
  
• Let your partner decide whether or not to have an epidural : even if you don't want to see her suffer, she may want to fully experience the intense sensations of childbirth.
  
  
• Labor pain is synchronized with contractions : the pain gradually intensifies with each contraction, reaches a peak, and then weakens. The pain subsides between contractions, allowing the partner time to recover. As labor progresses, contractions become stronger and more frequent. If she needs to groan or cry out, encourage her; this can help relieve the pain.
  
  You might be surprised by her behavior during labor: her words and actions may be completely different from usual. Try your best to comfort her, but don't belittle her feelings: acknowledge her efforts and encourage her to maintain a spiritual connection with her baby throughout the process. Your baby is also accomplishing an extraordinary feat!
  
  If needed, allow yourself to leave the delivery room occasionally to eat something or contact family and friends.

Support your partner during childbirth

You'll likely wonder what role you can play during childbirth . Remember, simply being present is a huge support. Don't try to do more than you're capable of: you're not a midwife or therapist. But if she wishes, and you feel comfortable, there are some roles you can play:

• You can help her find a comfortable position during contractions. Pressing firmly on her lower back or applying a towel soaked in hot water can usually help relieve pain.

• You can familiarize yourself with the rhythm of contractions (if you have a monitor) and remind her before the next contraction. Or tell her that the pain is about to subside at the peak of the contraction.

• You can give her gentle touches, stroking, or massage between contractions to help her regain her strength and relieve tension.

• Make sure to create an atmosphere of trust and avoid passing on your anxiety to her: if she senses your peace, she will be more likely to listen to her body.

• Even if she chooses an epidural and is no longer in pain, you still have an important role to play: sometimes women may feel anxious during childbirth after the pain subsides. At this time, she needs your listening and support.

• If she doesn't ask for your help during labor, please don't disturb her or offer too much advice, even if you mean well: women need to enter their own world during labor and shouldn't be distracted.
  
  
• When your baby is born, support and encourage her as she pushes . After birth, you can reach out to catch her and place her on your chest. If you wish, you can even cut the umbilical cord; remember to ask the midwife during labor. Don't suppress your emotions: they help establish your first bond with your child.
  
  
• After delivery, accompany your partner to the baby's first pediatric checkup . If possible, hold him/her yourself: after being in the mother's arms, your arms are the safest place for him/her—even if you feel clumsy.